I take a pill that has no effect.
I've been taking it for a year now, my body is used to it.
Anxiety settles slowly but without silence.
Always the mind first.
Thoughts that come and go. Good and bad.
The bad guys win.
I take another pill. I pray for it to take effect as the fear of becoming addicted invades my chest.
Fear. There is only fear.
I lie on the bed next to the dog who thinks he owns the whole house.
I do the breathing exercises you taught me.
They are useless.
I wake up after 2 minutes feeling that 2 hours have passed.
I can't breathe. Anxiety takes over the body.
I take another pill in the hope of falling asleep.
I am home alone and increasingly tempted to take the whole blister pack of the blessed pills.
If I take the whole blister maybe I will be lucky not to feel anything else and bye-bye anxiety.
The dog lies down next to me.
My breathing slows. My eyes close.
After three times the recommended dose, the pills take effect.
And I just hope I don't get addicted.
Photography by Patricio Maldonado