It has been days of stillness and reflection about my place in this vast universe, I have left in each exhalation a piece of my soul, a little piece of my heart in each moment. I am not really afraid of losing my place in the life of the one who accompanies me, I am more afraid that this person will no longer have the place I have given him or her in my life. I don't cry because I stumble to find out that the fantasy world I had built for myself is nothing more than that; I cry because what used to make me feel from the outermost layer of my skin to the innermost fiber of my essence, no longer makes me feel.
I no longer feel... Does it do me any good to become aware of this? Beyond understanding my reasons, I remain paralyzed. My heart stops as if it were looking to be revived with strong emotions, a push to where? I go in a seesaw of emotions, riding the seconds, gliding over the days. I go in a cloud of pretexts trying to sail the seas of nostalgia and I know you don't know. You don't know anything.
I write again to an erroneous idea that I have of us, beings that I do not understand, that fade away in my dreams, but there is always a new beginning, the rebirth of the lights that we follow as if they were guides. I consume my time without understanding if this matters or if it has no importance at all. I talk to talk to whoever wants to listen to me, I listen to get lost in other worlds that are not this one that I have painted myself to give sense to this body.
I like to get lost in worlds that I do not fully understand, to venture and discover the reason for everything I find there. I like to imagine the time and path traveled by those other bodies that merge with mine. Illusions of a total understanding and connection beyond anything experienced. I like to spend my time trying to guess their next steps, playing that I am them and they are in my position.
I want to change the colors that surround my thoughts, I want to spit a little red passion to the world. I want to draw a couple of sensations on your face, put on a pair of glasses and make you see me again. You are a mirror of this body, you move to the rhythm of my footsteps, I beat to the rhythm of your heartbeat and that's why I'm afraid.
Photography by Pierre Wayser