It's been nine months since I moved, the city is colder here. I still don't know anyone. Everyone here is in a hurry, no one talks. Everything here is strange.
I was having a coffee on the bus on my way to work and I looked carefully at that old sweater I took from you (you never knew), I guess I didn't take anything else from you, well, apparently. I thought it would be funny, imagining you looking in the closet for that favorite sweater and not finding it, then seeing it on me, worn on a random day, I would have loved to look at your expression, knowing that something important could be with someone important. I longed for that day so much. For some reason it never happened. It could be time, work, or what do I know. Just one day, out of nowhere, there stopped being time for both of us. I knew you could be watching TV, I could be watching Tania or watching my favorite series, we could be bored alone but that yes, when it was us, there was never time. There was always something to do. However I missed you all the time, everything, I missed you in the morning, when brushing my teeth, when preparing breakfast, on the way to work, when filing documents, when going for lunch, in the shower (mostly), when combing my daughter's hair, every brushing cycle, I thought of your kisses, your smile, your eyes that shone even more with the moonlight, and your hair was a glow in the sun, maybe between 2 or 3 o'clock in the afternoon, it shone more, but I didn't notice it through my eyes, I felt it in my soul. 9 months now and I still feel your hands touching my face.
Ah, yes, the sweater, I washed it about 300 times, your scent was still there, intact. I didn't think that was possible. Science would say no, but maybe the sweater had nothing to do with it anymore, maybe it was me. For some reason that sweater was my favorite, I looked good, you looked good, it made me feel good, it made you feel good, I liked the edges and the texture it had on the sleeves and you liked the green color. That sweater we both loved was the bridge that connected the two of us, the 59 kilometers of distance meant nothing when I had that sweater. There was nothing, not a single thing that made me affirm your existence in me than that piece of fabric, put together and tailored; warm and old green (green was your favorite since I met you).
The truth is I don't know how to get away from you, because I literally already did, but you are still here with me, I can feel you. I look in the mirror and I see you too. I also have this sweater that I love but it still haunts me. It's been 9 months without hearing from you and it seems like it's been only two hours.
“From what was once ours, with love and affection for Saaid.”.
Yuri
2021
Photography by Erik Wetsoe
