My Frida

My Frida.

It's strange how when I look back in time there you are, my Frida. I don't know what I did, or how, but I am lucky that you are my Frida and that you are here. I don't say it only in the sense of belonging, I say it because in reality there are friends, but Fridas, God, I don't know how to explain it, it's something different, and all the confidence you inspire, the pride, and your new knowledge that you acquire excites and scares me. Frida, you are not my friend, you transcend more than that and the banal, more than me, more than anyone else and you don't need anyone to shine, anyone can see that.

It scares me to think that someday you will realize that I don't deserve you, because I do. Anything I do next to you is minor, you know all my friends, you have been to my most important presentations, Godss, even your parents, you have supported from a distance my ideas, you have read me and anything I do next to what you have done before is not the same, I feel indebted to you for how good you make me feel, the trust I have with you, the peace and memories. I have been a lousy friend compared to what you have been to me, sorry for that, because you give more without asking or asking for anything in return, your love for people is noble and sincere, I admire that about you too.

Frida, I just had the opportunity to tell you but I admire you a lot, I admire your confidence that you had to go to Morelia to study what you like and pursue your dreams, that you enjoy what you study, that you have been able to take your life to another state and how responsible you have become, I admire your strength, I admire your strength, your knowledge of art, I admire your school work, I admire how you made friends like Yoli so easily but what I admire the most is your kindness, you are the most real person I have met and will meet in my life, I like that with you I feel good, I hope you feel that good with me and if not, I will understand. I don't know what I would do if the time comes when you go away from me. There is still a lot to live with you, many concerts to go through, many laughs, hugs, caresses and even though I have known you for more than five years I know I want to keep learning more about you and keep admiring you.

After so much time, there are times when I simply start thinking about everything we have done and lived, I can entertain myself for hours remembering, and I always forget something, because if you were to remember now you would not remember everything, so many laughs, anger, hugs, love and experiences, good and bad, I do not know how we have been here all this time and still feel that it has not been more than a few months.

Forgive me, because the day I found out about your mommy I didn't know what to tell you, nothing seems to be enough, I don't even know what to say, I would like to say that I understand you and that soon it will pass but I don't know and I don't understand you, but what I do know is that you are strong, very strong, you are my Frida.
It will always hurt but the good things will keep coming too, and I want you to feel and know that here I am, I am with you, I am your Sebastian and I am real with you. I know it sounds stupid to say it after something like this but, Frida, you are not alone, you have your sister Sofia, one of the funniest and nicest people I know, your dad who I have always seen as strong and serious but loves you unconditionally, Yoli, Eduardo, Jacobo and you have me. I would do anything not to make you feel lonely or sad again. I am with you and maybe because of the distance I am physically absent but I want you to think that when you feel bad you can call me, I will listen to you, you can write to me and I will read to you, I will never get tired of that.

I would like to sound much more empathetic and say that I understand your pain but it is not the same, I know I don't, what I can feel is you, I feel you, and I think the only thing I can do is to be with you, I ask you not to ever go away from me because I don't know what I would do... Your mom is an angel and not even when we were put in a patrol car with you for something that was not your fault did she judge us or stop you from joining us, she gave me my Frida and I will always be grateful to her for that. I know your mom is in spirit with you and I am sure she is proud of who you are and will be. You are sweetness on a bitter day and you are my moon on lonely nights. I love you so much, my Frida.

Photography by Marie-Charlot