All we needed was a goodbye. The last hug, the last kiss, the last smile I could get out of you as I held your hand and told you how beautiful you looked together. All that was ending was the little way to say the goodbye we didn't need in our lives.
You don't need to know how many times you cry at night for a message or a call from me to know how much you wanted me in your life.
You don't need to overshadow the wonderful being you are just because you are not comfortable with who you are.
You don't need to destroy your dreams with the person you love just to make them feel that no does enough to settle your past pain, find the cure for your doubts and insecurities and build a better version of you.
It is not necessary to make a list of needs to know that I miss you but I have to let you go....
If you are in the second decade of the 21st century and you still believe that the third time is the charm, you can be sure that you are a person who finds hope in an old habit and not in the facts.
Losing someone does not instantly make you stronger, it weakens you, but it helps you find the alternatives to reach the strength of the anecdote you decide to create about that being who left or let go.
I could not say goodbye to you thinking about the harm I could do to you; it was you who made the decision. I don't feel bad about it, on the contrary, it was a wise decision. Even if it has been postponed for a long time, it gives me satisfaction that you are letting me go from your life for the well-being you deserve to have.
Maybe life puts opposite people in our way to comfort us a little, to destroy us and make anecdotes about it. Maybe the sensitivity that possesses you will never be able to overcome the coldness that dominates me, but the feelings in between keep wandering in our minds like the dreams we once thought we would cross off our to-do list. Maybe you blame yourself over and over again and your past binds you once again thinking you're not enough of a being for one person. Maybe my story with you will teach you that not everything is reciprocal, but that everything starts with self-confidence so as not to damage that of the relationship we sought to have. Maybe life will teach you to value yourself more as a person and to find that emptiness that I couldn't find for you. Maybe your way of being will make you see other things that neither of us saw when we were destroying each other and when we concluded our story.
All we needed was a goodbye. The last hug, the last kiss, the last smile I could get out of you as I held your hand and told you how beautiful you looked together. All that was ending was the little way to say the goodbye we didn't need in our lives.
I can be sure that you feel like a part of you is dying. The part that makes you feel guilty for not having a future together and giving each other the love we had for each other. However, you don't have to walk a road of countless days to realize how wonderful the person trying to get to your cold heart can be. You don't need to ask life if there is a person who really loves me because with the way you are, you proved it all. No need to know how many times you cry at night for a message or a call from me to know how much you loved me in your life. I don't need any other detail to know that while I am writing this, you are over there thinking of some distraction so as not to kill your head with the bitter memory of the departure of our lives.
Perhaps our story was meant to teach us how much we can give and to remind us how hard it is to lose someone. Neither the pictures, nor the songs, nor the words I never said to you can now comfort the emptiness we feel in our lives having allowed you to walk out of my life three days ago. Life teaches me once again that you can have what you once wanted but the time is not right, and in this case, your sensitivity taught me to see the damage I did to you, because I am the one who today takes pity on that being so charismatic and sensitive to give love. I am the one who realizes that a person can give everything, but it does not mean that the puzzle is completely sane. For not everything is done as it is thought. And not everything has an answer.
It pleases me to have the feeling of knowing how happy I made you while our story lasted. We made a mark in our lives, in our own way, as far as life allowed. It gives me emotion to see your tenderness reflected in the digital photos, in the material details, in the intangible feelings and in the mental memories that go through my head right now.
How many times did you wait for an I love you? Even if you left without hearing it, it pleases me a little to know that it can mark your life for as long as you consider necessary and that I was able to show you that you mattered in my life without the need to express it as you did.
Maybe 5 months and 10 days were not necessary to love each other the way we dreamed, but they were necessary to leave us one or more life lessons, everyone will decide what they learned, what they did right and what they did wrong or find the reason that made us waste our time looking for something that didn't happen.
It is not necessary to find the culprit in a love breakup.
You don't need to be anxious to find the flaw in your existence.
You don't need to destroy yourself by not trusting yourself to develop your life.
You don't need to overshadow the wonderful being you are just because you are not comfortable with who you are.
You don't need to destroy your dreams with the person you love just to make them feel like they don't do enough to settle your past pain, find the cure for your doubts and insecurities, and build a better version of you.
It is not necessary to make a list of needs to know that I miss you but that you need to first make your life and then decide to share it with someone else. The infinite number of thank you's may not serve to make you feel comfortable with what you gave me, because you don't trust yourself enough to trust the things you did because you feel they were poorly done. However, I will give them to you: Thank you for spending a small part of your life and showing me the different you wanted to be with me and leaving the general being for others.
If you ever come across these words, I want you to know that your presence in my life and the memories that invade me today, make me a happy person to be able to write and give evidence that you made me happy. It hurts, it hurts your departure, even though I don't want to show myself vulnerable. And even though we couldn't make it half a year, I am happy to know that, with the ups and downs, the problems, the anger and insecurities, I am grateful to have known a person like you, and to keep the memory of the last time I let go of your hand without knowing that there would be no more days to share and try to make you happy...
Photography by Li Guanqun
Quindio - Colombia. A cup of coffee or even a single glance would be enough to discover how superficial or substantial I can be. I am an attempt at being a writer: there my greatest virtue; imperfection. I am still against some idealisms; believing that education is to follow the example of the elders. However, if it were to support some social idea, it would firmly be that of Javier Marías; Human beings are also what does not happen. Why? because imagination, despite being intangible, is the cause of all our failed dreams on the way to success.