I want you to know: I hold myself together through this nostalgia. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable and I ignore it, like a nightmare I want to forget; other times it becomes a refuge and I fantasize about it. It gives me strength and, at the same time, weakens me. It bears your name, which I repeat from time to time to keep feeding it. I cling to it more than I should. It drives me crazy, but I can’t let it go.
I’m tired of reading everywhere “let go”—that damn cliché that makes me feel out of place. Am I doing it wrong? How do others manage it? Is it good for life to keep longing for the past? Isn’t nostalgia itself a form of longing?
You are lodged deep within my subconscious, which I’ve always believed to be the purest reflection of the soul. You are, without a doubt, imprinted on my soul.
Photography by Xiang Tiange
