I often wonder why me. It\u2019s as if I feel I\u2019m not enough, as if I\u2019m not worthy of being the one you chose among everyone else that night.
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Even so, I question whether that decision was a mistake\u2014whether it came from boredom, whether there\u2019s anything special about me at all.
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For the past four months, I\u2019ve given up everything for you. I neglected my work many times just to spend a few more minutes by your side, and I would come home at dawn with a na\u00efve smile.
\u00a0
Your eyes, your laughter, your lips, your expressions, your hands, your ability to make me do whatever you said\u2026 I allowed myself to be blinded by beauty. Or at least that\u2019s what I tell myself out loud every time I remember how I tolerated being humiliated by someone like you.
\u00a0
I sacrificed \u201cthe aesthetic over the emotional.\u201d It\u2019s absurd and completely understandable at the same time, but I struggle to comprehend how, after so much\u2014and at the same time so little\u2014it\u2019s now impossible for me to feel close to others. I immediately think of you and wish it could always be you.
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It\u2019s illogical that more than once I saw someone else\u2019s face in yours. And it\u2019s ridiculous how something as simple as calling you \u201cmy love\u201d made you love me with desperation\u2014yet afterward, you were unable to call for weeks.
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I wish I could forget you, lose you forever, and that none of this had happened this way. I long for your affection to be as real as your desire, but it\u2019s irrational to ask for something like that.
\u00a0
I constantly question whether I\u2019m truly in love or if this is just emotional turmoil\u2014a confusing bond that terrifies me about adulthood. It\u2019s illogical to think that you love me when we don\u2019t really know each other and these past months have been merely lustful.
\u00a0
A waste of emotions: not being able to overflow with them and let you know how much you matter to me. But now I understand that it\u2019s not the end of the world if you don\u2019t love me back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Photography by Pedro Saavedra Guzm\u00e1n<\/a> \/\/ Developed and scanned by Hilitos Lab<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Your eyes, your laughter, your lips, your expressions, your hands, your ability to make me do whatever you said\u2026 I allowed myself to be blinded by beauty.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":7765,"featured_media":203008,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"cybocfi_hide_featured_image":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17864],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-203007","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-narrativa"],"acf":[],"mb":[],"yoast_head":"\n