I take a pill that has no effect.<\/p>\n
I've been taking it for a year now, my body is used to it.<\/p>\n
Anxiety settles slowly but without silence.<\/p>\n
Always the mind first.<\/p>\n
Thoughts that come and go. Good and bad.<\/p>\n
The bad guys win.<\/p>\n
I take another pill. I pray for it to take effect as the fear of becoming addicted invades my chest.<\/p>\n
Fear. There is only fear.<\/p>\n
I lie on the bed next to the dog who thinks he owns the whole house.<\/p>\n
I do the breathing exercises you taught me.<\/p>\n
They are useless.<\/p>\n
I wake up after 2 minutes feeling that 2 hours have passed.<\/p>\n
I can't breathe. Anxiety takes over the body.<\/p>\n
I take another pill in the hope of falling asleep.<\/p>\n
I am home alone and increasingly tempted to take the whole blister pack of the blessed pills.<\/p>\n
If I take the whole blister maybe I will be lucky not to feel anything else and bye-bye anxiety.<\/p>\n
The dog lies down next to me.<\/p>\n
My breathing slows. My eyes close.<\/p>\n
After three times the recommended dose, the pills take effect.<\/p>\n
And I just hope I don't get addicted.<\/p>\n