Do you miss me?<\/p>\n
I know. I\u2019ve been out of touch.<\/p>\n
I know, I\u2019ve been quiet enough.<\/p>\n
I know you have a lot of questions.<\/p>\n
I know you don’t want to know the answer to any of those questions.<\/p>\n
I didn\u2019t bring a sword. I\u2019ve came in peace.<\/p>\n
I know you are halfway out the door.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m around the corner.<\/p>\n
(But I thought that you should know)<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
At first, I couldn\u2019t write this.<\/span><\/p>\n I guess I wasn\u2019t brave enough to read what I had to tell you.<\/span><\/p>\n But maybe, I just couldn\u2019t confront myself.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I guess, maybe, just maybe, I couldn\u2019t face the fact that I was the one that stopped the race I could never win.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Cause it\u2019s true. I\u2019ve been running away from my true feelings. But this time was different. This time I didn\u2019t run away from my <\/span>vague or irrational emotions<\/span>, this time I ran away from someone I loved.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n At first my words were filled with anger and anxiety. Every single thought in my head was bleeding. The thought of you <\/span>suffocated me <\/span>in every corner along with the scent of bursting candles in my room. Everything was blurry. And I can say that even right now, I haven\u2019t been able to see this with true clarity because breathing the airs of all the seasons without you has been feeling like touching the bottom of hell.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019m at a crossroad.\u00a0 Cause I can\u2019t seem to walk towards the truth and neither towards you. Cause you are far away.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t been able to imagine you, <\/span>talking and gesturing in synchronicity<\/span> in the moments when I pretend to pause everything and I close my eyes. I know I\u2019m far away from the place I used to feel like home, I know I can\u2019t touch you cause I\u2019m too late. And, the thing I know the most is that I won\u2019t be able to walk the streets of this crossroad never again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019ve eased the pain. But the only wound that <\/span>I won\u2019t be able to heal <\/span>is that after all,\u00a0 we are not who we promised each other to be.<\/span><\/p>\n I count the days and also my mistakes.<\/span><\/p>\n Sometimes I feel that everything happened this year. Sometimes it felt like the past year has been cruel and made me missed you slowly. Sometimes this year has passed quickly and I\u2019ve been feeling ashamed for running away.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n I never understood what was my urge for wanting to run away too fast from everything I was attached to.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Sometimes this year has been too slow and too fast…<\/span><\/p>\n Yet, <\/span>sometimes I just want this year to be the sum up of the <\/span>golden mornings and the slowly Sunday nights we spent together.<\/span><\/p>\n Cause that was the moment. That was the moment I knew that heaven was not overrated.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n (<\/span>I bet that no one has ever had a love this violent)<\/span><\/p>\n I feel selfish praying. I only look at the sky whenever I need a smile.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Yet, I\u2019ve been praying. I\u2019ve praying because nothing takes me to a certain state or place, nothing gives me peace.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n A lot has happened. If you see me walking down the street I bet you could never recognise me. And I know that you would probably be scared, because now I\u2019m trying really hard to overcome the <\/span>predetermined set of outcomes that correspond me since I ran away.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n