{"id":137735,"date":"2018-09-08T14:26:40","date_gmt":"2018-09-08T04:26:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/?p=137735"},"modified":"2022-08-31T01:50:01","modified_gmt":"2022-08-31T06:50:01","slug":"couldnt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/couldnt\/","title":{"rendered":"Couldn’t"},"content":{"rendered":"

1, 2, 3\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll just turn the lights off.<\/p>\n

1, 2, 3…<\/em><\/p>\n

I’m counting my reasons.<\/p>\n

1,2,3\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m counting my crimes.<\/p>\n

I close my eyes and I can\u2019t see what’s inside.<\/p>\n

I can’t find the “why” and neither the “you shouldn’t ” but I’m immersed with the “I couldn’t”.<\/p>\n

Should I leave my hands behind?<\/p>\n

Yes, I should.<\/p>\n

(But I just couldn’t keep too much to myself)<\/p>\n

1, 2, 3…<\/em><\/p>\n

His tongue is running down my neck while my conscience collapses quietly.<\/p>\n

(Thousands of voices inside of me are trying to say what it’s obvious)<\/p>\n

(But, I can’t get enough of it yet)<\/p>\n

This room suffocates me.<\/p>\n

There’s sin everywhere but there are also many traces of doubts that gave me answers.<\/p>\n

You see blood on the sheets, but I see the reasons that I tried so hard to find…even though I can’t dare to look at them closely and right in the eye.<\/p>\n

There’s too much to see.<\/p>\n

There’s too much to seek.<\/p>\n

There’s so much more to judge.<\/p>\n

But there’s also much to hide…<\/p>\n

I don’t want to close my eyes but I don’t dare to see what you left inside me and neither what I hid from myself.<\/p>\n

The voices are clear and my fears are becoming real even when they seem weak to me.<\/p>\n

1, 2, 3…<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m guilty.<\/p>\n

(There\u2019s no doubt of that)<\/p>\n

1, 2, 3…<\/em><\/p>\n

My hands are not the only ones that carry the crime, but somehow I\u2019m the only one that needs to leave this behind.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m looking at my sin over my shoulder.<\/p>\n

Somehow, killing my feelings didn\u2019t hurt, at last.<\/p>\n

No, don\u2019t you dare turning the lights on.<\/p>\n

No, not yet.<\/p>\n

Why? Because I have not bled enough yet.<\/p>\n

1, 2, 3\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m leaving this room with a drained body\u2026<\/p>\n

And you?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m leaving you here with the knife that killed my kindness.<\/p>\n

And this crime? Keep it. Please.<\/p>\n

1, 2, 3…<\/em><\/p>\n

(I guess I’ll just whisper to myself that I want more even though I shouldn’t.)<\/p>\n

And yes it’s true…<\/p>\n

1, 2, 3…<\/em><\/p>\n

I shouldn’t do this.<\/p>\n

But I just couldn’t.<\/em><\/p>\n

Photographers: Stefano Majno<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1, 2, 3\u2026 I\u2019ll just turn the lights off. 1, 2, 3… I’m counting my reasons. 1,2,3\u2026 I\u2019m counting my crimes. I close my eyes and I can\u2019t see what’s inside. I can’t find the “why” and neither the “you shouldn’t ” but I’m immersed with the “I couldn’t”. Should I leave my hands behind? […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1985,"featured_media":138257,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"cybocfi_hide_featured_image":"","_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[17385],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-137735","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-writing"],"acf":[],"mb":[],"yoast_head":"\nCouldn't - ERRR MAGAZINE<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/couldnt\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Couldn't - ERRR MAGAZINE\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"1, 2, 3\u2026 I\u2019ll just turn the lights off. 1, 2, 3… I’m counting my reasons. 1,2,3\u2026 I\u2019m counting my crimes. 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