{"id":137735,"date":"2018-09-08T14:26:40","date_gmt":"2018-09-08T04:26:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/?p=137735"},"modified":"2022-08-31T01:50:01","modified_gmt":"2022-08-31T06:50:01","slug":"couldnt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/couldnt\/","title":{"rendered":"Couldn’t"},"content":{"rendered":"

1, 2, 3\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll just turn the lights off.<\/p>\n

1, 2, 3…<\/em><\/p>\n

I’m counting my reasons.<\/p>\n

1,2,3\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m counting my crimes.<\/p>\n

I close my eyes and I can\u2019t see what’s inside.<\/p>\n

I can’t find the “why” and neither the “you shouldn’t ” but I’m immersed with the “I couldn’t”.<\/p>\n

Should I leave my hands behind?<\/p>\n

Yes, I should.<\/p>\n

(But I just couldn’t keep too much to myself)<\/p>\n

1, 2, 3…<\/em><\/p>\n

His tongue is running down my neck while my conscience collapses quietly.<\/p>\n

(Thousands of voices inside of me are trying to say what it’s obvious)<\/p>\n

(But, I can’t get enough of it yet)<\/p>\n

This room suffocates me.<\/p>\n

There’s sin everywhere but there are also many traces of doubts that gave me answers.<\/p>\n

You see blood on the sheets, but I see the reasons that I tried so hard to find…even though I can’t dare to look at them closely and right in the eye.<\/p>\n

There’s too much to see.<\/p>\n

There’s too much to seek.<\/p>\n

There’s so much more to judge.<\/p>\n

But there’s also much to hide…<\/p>\n

I don’t want to close my eyes but I don’t dare to see what you left inside me and neither what I hid from myself.<\/p>\n

The voices are clear and my fears are becoming real even when they seem weak to me.<\/p>\n

1, 2, 3…<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m guilty.<\/p>\n

(There\u2019s no doubt of that)<\/p>\n

1, 2, 3…<\/em><\/p>\n

My hands are not the only ones that carry the crime, but somehow I\u2019m the only one that needs to leave this behind.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m looking at my sin over my shoulder.<\/p>\n

Somehow, killing my feelings didn\u2019t hurt, at last.<\/p>\n

No, don\u2019t you dare turning the lights on.<\/p>\n

No, not yet.<\/p>\n

Why? Because I have not bled enough yet.<\/p>\n

1, 2, 3\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019m leaving this room with a drained body\u2026<\/p>\n

And you?<\/p>\n

I\u2019m leaving you here with the knife that killed my kindness.<\/p>\n

And this crime? Keep it. Please.<\/p>\n

1, 2, 3…<\/em><\/p>\n

(I guess I’ll just whisper to myself that I want more even though I shouldn’t.)<\/p>\n

And yes it’s true…<\/p>\n

1, 2, 3…<\/em><\/p>\n

I shouldn’t do this.<\/p>\n

But I just couldn’t.<\/em><\/p>\n

Photographers: Stefano Majno<\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1, 2, 3\u2026 I\u2019ll just turn the lights off. 1, 2, 3… I’m counting my reasons. 1,2,3\u2026 I\u2019m counting my crimes. I close my eyes and I can\u2019t see what’s inside. I can’t find the “why” and neither the “you shouldn’t ” but I’m immersed with the “I couldn’t”. Should I leave my hands behind? […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1985,"featured_media":138257,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"cybocfi_hide_featured_image":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7997],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-137735","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-textos"],"acf":[],"mb":[],"yoast_head":"\nCouldn't - ERRR MAGAZINE<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/couldnt\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Couldn't - ERRR MAGAZINE\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"1, 2, 3\u2026 I\u2019ll just turn the lights off. 1, 2, 3… I’m counting my reasons. 1,2,3\u2026 I\u2019m counting my crimes. 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I want to scream you all my silence.But you won't listen.You never listened.I'm tired. But sleeping doesn't help.A pain in my chest.A pain that doesn't sleep at night.But no, I don't want to\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Textos"","block_context":{"text":"Textos","link":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/category\/textos\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/8671497041_7df98a0474_o.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/8671497041_7df98a0474_o.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/8671497041_7df98a0474_o.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/8671497041_7df98a0474_o.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/8671497041_7df98a0474_o.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":137462,"url":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/stay-the-night\/","url_meta":{"origin":137735,"position":1},"title":"Stay the night","author":"Jude Quinn","date":"09\/08\/2018","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cStay the night.\u201d I whispered into her ear, almost begging as if my life depended on her stay. \u201cMuch I\u2019m afraid, the night has come to an end earlier for us than for everybody else.\u201d she replied with a delicate smile. 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Cause I\u2019ve been trying to find meaning in all corners.","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/category\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/35927478014_272a25de73_k.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/35927478014_272a25de73_k.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/35927478014_272a25de73_k.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/35927478014_272a25de73_k.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/35927478014_272a25de73_k.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/35927478014_272a25de73_k.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":147945,"url":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/the-right-words\/","url_meta":{"origin":137735,"position":4},"title":"(The right words)","author":"Michelle Miller","date":"09\/19\/2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Do you miss me? I know. I\u2019ve been out of touch. I know, I\u2019ve been quiet enough. I know you have a lot of questions. I know you don't want to know the answer to any of those questions. I didn\u2019t bring a sword. I\u2019ve came in peace. I know\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Textos"","block_context":{"text":"Textos","link":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/category\/textos\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/41.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/41.png?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/41.png?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/41.png?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":182782,"url":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/untitled-3\/","url_meta":{"origin":137735,"position":5},"title":"Untitled","author":"Jennifer Brady","date":"09\/22\/2021","format":false,"excerpt":"I find the process of painting and printing like this quite relaxing and cathartic - I think of some random words, and before I can let them settle I put them onto paper...","rel":"","context":"In "Interview"","block_context":{"text":"Interview","link":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/category\/interviews\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Untitled_JBrady-2feat.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Untitled_JBrady-2feat.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Untitled_JBrady-2feat.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Untitled_JBrady-2feat.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/errr-magazine.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/Untitled_JBrady-2feat.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"mfb_rest_fields":["title","yoast_head","yoast_head_json","jetpack_featured_media_url","jetpack-related-posts","jetpack_sharing_enabled"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/137735","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1985"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=137735"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/137735\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":138262,"href":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/137735\/revisions\/138262"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/138257"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=137735"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=137735"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/errr-magazine.com\/english\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=137735"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}